A Pianist’s Perspective on Embracing Uncertainty

(Transcripts from free flow talk, see video)

“ There was the window of time, so the situation of sitting in front of the piano was not forced and it was not avoided. 

At the start, there is this very familiar state of somewhat nervousness, because of not knowing. 

But it used to be something annoying, now it’s more exciting to feel that nervousness and to go beyond it with the first key. 

Then the sound starts to speak, not your intentional playing. 

And it’s as if the sound was waiting for you to give you this new lesson since the last time you sat in front of the piano and played. 

Time doesn’t exist for this waiting, it’s like constantly, no matter what, totally unconditionally available for you if you want to listen. 

And if you don’t want to listen, even if someone will play the most profound piece near you, you will not even start to learn, you may be impressed, but definitely not learn. 

So what is this learning that is so beautiful? It’s to dance with not knowing, it’s to let the unknown lead the dance and try not to step on its toes, if I can say it like that. 

Whenever you see the need to know, to own, to recognize, to control, to direct, to put your own touch, your own preference, that’s the dance, that’s the learning, don’t step on the trap. 

And then what you are left with is unknown. So you listen to it, let’s say you record it, you listen to it and there is no possible way for you to recognize what is played. 

I think the best example is the sound of either birds singing or a raindrop falling. 

It’s a very aware sound on its own creation, but as you, let’s say, record it and listen to it, there is no way you can identify some intentional flow there, 

it’s not like people write a song and then play it a million times, it’s not like that. 

The only reason it sounds to you like a repetitive melody, let’s say the bird song, is because you don’t listen. 

Because if you would listen, it would eat you alive, the sound. 

You will be the sound. It will envelope your whole existence and reveal to you the beauty of that sound. 

Now you heard about it and most likely you will ignore it, because you want to hold control over the unknown. 

And the way you do it, you call it known, without specific words, but you hold on to the known, even the known about the unknown, 

But the unknown, which is the angel of death to all that is known, is your biggest avoidance. 

And that unknown is life itself, the same life that makes the leaf grow and then fall in such a beautiful and harmonious way, 

That’s the unknown, and you avoid it, that’s your choice.”